Decisions are often an obstacle to happiness.
Why?
Because when you have multiple good options, making a decision is stressful. When your mind is constantly churning on ideas, it takes you out of the present moment, gives you low-level anxiety, and can limit your sleep.
The more primitive parts of your mind may equate the right choice with your survival, activating your fight-or-flight response.
In the modern world, we are bombarded with great options.
So, limiting your decisions is one of the keys to being happy. But, since decisions will (hopefully) never be eliminated completely, here are some indisputable truths that help me make tough decisions faster.
Truth #1 – You can’t do everything.
Nobody can. No matter which option you choose, you will have to let go of other good options. FOMO will always be there. It’s ingrained in your DNA.
Sometimes making a decision is a matter of letting go of several great options, which often requires some grieving.
Truth #2 – You will never be sure about your decision.
No amount of analysis will provide certainty that you are making the best decision. The world is too complex and unpredictable. Your choice will result in some good and some bad.
So, spend some time analyzing your options, but not too much.
Truth #3 – Delaying decisions rarely helps.
Avoiding big decisions keeps you in place and going nowhere. It actually moves you backward because time is passing whether you make a decision or not. By trying to hold onto your options, you end up watching your options evaporate as time slips through your fingers.
Truth #4 – Mistakes are inevitable.
Since uncertainty is unavoidable, so are mistakes. If you make it your primary focus to avoid mistakes in life, you’ll make the biggest mistake of them all, NOT engaging in life.
So don’t worry about all the “what ifs.” Just avoid the obvious mistakes. How do you know a choice will lead to an obvious mistake? If you have to ask, it isn’t obvious.
Truth #5 – The right decision won’t bring long term happiness.
Making the “right” decision will make you happier now by giving you peace of mind and freeing you from the burden of making a decision. It will give you a sense that you are on the right path right now.
However, it will not lead to living happily ever after. In fact, it’s unlikely to change your level of happiness in the future because even if you make the perfect decision and get everything you ever wanted, you’ll adapt. You’ll take what you have for granted. You’ll seek more progress. New goals and challenges will emerge. New tough decisions will present themselves. You will never arrive at happiness.
So, making the “right’ decision is more about peace of mind now vs. long-term happiness, and it’s a constant process.
Truth #6 – The higher the constraints, the easier the decision.
Constraints you believe in make decisions easier by limiting your options, otherwise you get paralyzed by analysis. This is why concepts like finding your “why” are useful. They add filters to your decisions, allowing you to make them faster to relieve the decision making burden.
One useful way to add constraints is to expand your goal. Make it so you think it’s near impossible. Then, figure out the conditions that would have to be in place to make it possible.
Conclusion
If you are having a hard time deciding, it’s because you aren’t accepting one or more of these indisputable truths.
The idea that there is a “best choice” is an illusion. Sure, some choices will lead to more preferable outcomes, but that is never clear when making a tough decision. If it were, your decision would already be made.
Uncertainty and complexity are part of what makes life interesting. Embrace them, make a decision, and allow yourself to be present as waves of pleasure and pain wash over you along the journey.
These lyrics from “Lateralus” by Tool sum up a great perspective to adopt:
Reaching out to embrace the random
Reaching out to embrace what ever make come
Do you have any bits of wisdom for decision-making? If so, please share them in the comments.